If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
