there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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