i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
