Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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