Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
