it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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