sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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