I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
