i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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