Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
