well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
