i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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