I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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