White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize