I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
