Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
