She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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