I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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