He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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