I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
