did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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