saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
