i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
