I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Houston, we have a squirter
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
