Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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