I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
