Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
