Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
