Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
