i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
