Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
someone owes me an orgasm
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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