Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just gift wrapped bread.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
