Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
