I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
