why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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