Please, let me fuck your mom
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.