Porn is love you can see.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea