I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize