We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you inspire me to be a worse person
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw