I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait