im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.