im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk