So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.