id be glad to
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze