i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you