why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
