Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
