she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
