Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
