Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
