Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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