duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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