My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
