Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
