I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
