its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
