At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
