remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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