To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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