god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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