Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
