i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
