I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
