At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
