Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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