i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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