It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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