my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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