I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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