did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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