Her vagina should come with caution tape.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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