I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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