I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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