I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
