It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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