I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
