yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My cat gives me a boner
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
