she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
