Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
