I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
