We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
