And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
