idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
do herpes really smell.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize